Self Mastery

I really feel that a huge part of trading is about self mastery. The ability to make decisions based on sound proven methods, to trade according to rules and not P/L, to manage our emotions etc. Well that seems very cliche and I've read and learned that from the start, but as time goes by the true meaning of it is really beginning to sink in. I'm just going to say this: "IT IS SUPER HARD".

I don't know if it is just me. I wonder if there is anyone who managed to attain a certain level of self mastery in just a couple of months. All of us have our inner demons, and they'll manifest themselves over time through our trading results. One big one for me is that I feel very uncomfortable whenever I'm in profit, especially if it is a multiple R profit. I'll then find any reason to get out of the trade, be it a lower time frame candle stick pattern or some lame reason like I'm going to sleep soon. The good thing for me is that I recognized that and I'm slowly overcoming it. I'm happy with my past few trades because I trailed my positions according to my rules and did not get out early at the slightest sign of trouble.

Our issues will manifest one by one and will continue to haunt our results until we overcome them. I reckon the entire process will take many years. Some traders manage to attain a level where they're completely emotionless about their trades, that is obviously the highest level but I really feel one does not need to berate himself if he still feels the euphoria or fear when trading. The important thing is to still be able to stick to the rules even though your emotions are crying out to do so otherwise. That is the stage I'm in now. Recently I could really feel my flesh crying out to just take profits quickly or prematurely cut loss etc, but I managed to discipline myself and not do it.

A trading journal is super important, I never fail to be disgusted by myself when I study my trades in retrospect. However disgust is one thing, progress is another. I really make a point to be very conscious about recurring mistakes in my trading and implement rules to work on them.

Emotional control also involves circumstances which can be very unpleasant. For me this is the typical stopped out by 1 pip before price takes off in my original direction, stopped out because spread got ridiculous during news spikes, and other unforeseen circumstances. I'll name some from today. My MT4 broker decided to mysteriously remove all my pending orders. I reentered them and it got removed again. Only on the third try did the orders not get removed. That wasn't too bad because I didn't miss out on any trade. However what happened next was epic. My broker decided to not fill any of my pending orders. That includes limit and stop orders. Imagine my shock when price hit my stop loss and I was still in the trade. I then had another trade which didn't execute because my limit order didn't trigger. To test it out, I placed multiple small orders on a pair to see if they'll execute. I'm looking at it now and I've never seen anything like this before. Price is just moving up and down my orders without triggering them. Only market orders work. Something is definitely wrong with my broker today and I have to do something about it before I continue trading. Heck I can't trade even if I want to. Times like this require emotional control eh? :P

Oh well, enough rant for now. So many things on my mind recently, hope I'll have the mood to write more about them :)